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Relationship
Name: Lucy
City: Rochester
Province/State: New York
Country: US
The question that came up for me was: “In this situation, whose rules do I follow?” Reflecting on that really helped me see how I’d shortchanged myself in an important but flawed relationship.
For years, I’d been in a powerful, amazing friendship. Though my moody friend always wanted the relationship on her terms, I accepted that reality and thrived. One day, however, she abruptly cut me off – no explanation, just silence.
I suffered terribly for more than a year, not knowing what had gone wrong, and yearning for a conversation that would clear up my wondering, if not restore the friendship.
Eventually, I began to recognize that, unless I insisted on closure, I probably wouldn’t find peace. Yet I was afraid she would hurt me as deeply as she had before. I prayed for a sign, and when I saw one in nature, I picked up the phone. We had a so-so conversation, and she promised we’d talk again soon. But rather than follow through, she emailed me. I called back, asking for a live conversation. She emailed me again, asking me to list my questions in writing. (In writing!? After all we’d shared!? She was clearly a coward.) I refused to follow her rules. I called her again, and this time we had a long talk, in which she apologized for her terrible behavior.
I had to be honest with myself and recognize that there were so many problems with this relationship that it would probably always involve more pain and confusion than pleasure and support. I accept that it's over, and I’m moving on. But only by refusing to follow her rules was I able to find the closure I needed.
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